I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
