tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
