I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
