yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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