i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
