When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
