Don't make out with my wife yet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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