Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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