Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
