How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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