just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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