just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
