I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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