youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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