Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
