You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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