How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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