Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
