Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
