So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
