theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
