Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
