He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
