she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
