her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
