your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
