There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
