I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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