Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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