five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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