Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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