You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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