How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
