I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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