my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
