Im at strip club and am horny
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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