I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize