We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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