thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
