ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
