I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
