I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
