even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
