I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
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I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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