I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got inside last night via doggy door
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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