I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
