Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize