oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
