you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
