he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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