his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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