M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
