Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Omg I joined a choir last night...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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