OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
