Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
