bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
