I love black thongs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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