Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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