Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
