tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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