you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
