don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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