she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
