So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
