the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
