There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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