No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
nutella sex= disaster
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
