i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
