I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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