So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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