Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
