did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Green mimosas i think yes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
