Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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