I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
