Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
