I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't deserve a penis
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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