Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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