what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
